what a summer!

God is preparing me for right now. I am in training for the present. If I live in the thinking that one day I will reach a point of completion of training then I will be falsely disappointed. Right here and right now is what God has been “preparing” me for my whole life. It is through the now that I get to the later, which never seems like it was later when it happens…. later does not exist, now does and the now tells me to pay attention. Now I should use what I have learned in school, in relationships, in experiences. This summer I have struggled with knowing what my purpose is supposed to be. I didn’t seem to have any defined role, except “learner”. I learned about God, family, missionaries, many different counseling issues, and myself. It seems kind of like a selfish general summer to take time to learn and grow personally. There have been many different parts of me I wanted to work on as well as peek inside the window of counseling. Both of those goals have been accomplished.

My favorite part of working with CMF was being part of the family. CMF is very family-oriented. The office is like a family, there are lots of families that serve as missionaries, and it was truly a blessing to be a part of it all if only for a summer. Through research and meeting people, I really began to understand that being a missionary affects the whole family and everyone involved. The furlough retreat was a blast and I loved getting to know more people and getting to take care of missionaries. Shepherd was a big learning experience. I was all over the place and never knew what I would be doing that day. I often didn’t know why I was there or how I could be useful. But the counselor there spent a lot of time with me just talking about life and counseling with me. I got to sit in on a few counseling assessments, where I really got to see what counseling is like. I also had a lot of fun sitting in on the Spanish Bible study during June. I will also continually lift up the kids I got to spend time with on the east side, they are truly beautiful and needing of every bit of God’s love…

So even when I don’t know what today will accomplish, I know that God’s purpose is much better than anything I could get for myself. He has been incredibly faithful and I am so blessed to have such a growing summer. I have really appreciated all the support from friends and family this summer! Thank you for taking the time to read ☺


Here's the furlough retreat picture!

unselfish wisdom

It's not my time, it's His.

Lately I've been thinking about how much I've sat through this summer that didn't apply to me :)

Right from the start there was an orientation for the interns leaving the country, during June I went to a Hispanic women's support group in Spanish that I didn't understand, July brought the furlough retreat with lots of sessions on missions experience and one on marriage enrichment, this week I met with an adult missionary kid, and next week brings debrief with all the interns once again... what can I gain from all of this? Thinking through all these events, what impacts me the most are the people I met and knowledge I gained. It didn't have to specifically apply to my life for me to learn from it. I think this all connects to counseling. I loved meeting interns about to embark on an international adventure. The hispanic women I met are some of the most expressive, emotional, caring people I have met. They were beautiful women inside and out! I learned so much from the marriage seminar because a week before I met someone who was broken from several marriages in her life. The adult MK I met was transparent and authentic in speaking from her story, and that I will carry with me for a long time. And next week I am so excited to see the interns again and hear of all God is doing all over the world and how He used them this summer....

I have gained an invaluable amount of information from the counselors I've been working with. I have learned that counseling is sacred ground and you truly enter into someone else's life. From what I can tell, it is a very unselfish, giving place to be a counselor. So even when I encounter many different experiences that are not applicable to my story I can see how God is teaching me unselfishness in growing wisdom.

Proverbs 4

Wisdom Is Supreme

Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction;
pay attention and gain understanding.

I give you sound learning,
so do not forsake my teaching.

When I was a boy in my father's house,
still tender, and an only child of my mother,

he taught me and said,
"Lay hold of my words with all your heart;
keep my commands and you will live.

Get wisdom, get understanding;
do not forget my words or swerve from them.

Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
love her, and she will watch over you.

Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

Esteem her, and she will exalt you;
embrace her, and she will honor you.

She will set a garland of grace on your head
and present you with a crown of splendor."

*may we never let an experience go by without learning from it, no matter how small and no matter how insignificant. may we lift up our eyes to the Creator and giver of all wisdom and understanding.

He hears me when I call

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call
-Tommy Walker

Yesterday the kids at Shepherd sang this song...it meant so much to see all their little faces singing these words. I love that they have these words and reminders that they have a Father that hears them when they call. I don't know the impact the song will have on them, but I do know the impact their Father can have in their life.

God, your children are hungry for love
the love only you can fill.
this world has starved them from any solace and provision you have promised.
God, surround these kids with Your great big arms
that can heal the harm done by sin.
God, whisper the confidence and hope in these ears
that have only known yells and screams out of fear and anger.
God, heal the severing and old wounds
done yesterday and today that hold your children back
from knowing the future that is already theirs.
Abba Father- Your love is enough.

"You hear, o LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more." ps. 10:17-18

commitment

This past week was the furlough retreat in Indy and I had the chance to hang out with several missionaries. I had some good conversations and learned a lot!

"Put God first, Rebekah- no matter what you do in life, put God first. Blessings to you." I'm awful at goodbye's. I wanted to ask, how? How do I do that? When the whole world says I should put myself first, how do I put God first? I am completely humbled by missionaries. Just thinking about how sacrificial, isolated, disordered, and emotional a life it is to be a missionary makes me respect them all the more. I enjoyed the furlough retreat this week and seeing a group of missionaries together and on a break. If there is one thing I learned from them this week it is commitment. When everything is changing in life- put God first. Commit yourself to God and He will provide. Provide relationships, funds, rest, and ministry. Life seems to have nothing to do with details, yet our God see's every single one. He knows how important it is to see how faithful He is in surprising us with provision in the little things- why am I surprised? Because it is only when I give up on myself that I let God provide. The thing about missionaries is they seem to have it all figured out. It is such a hard way to live. Yet it is the only way some find peace. It is most certainly not everyone's call to leave the country... and for those who do it is no more special a call...but no matter the calling in life, no matter what you do- "put God first."


Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
hebrews 12

Divine whisper

So far this summer has been about learning to relax and go with the flow.

I would typically say I'm good at this, but not being on a team of people has been a new challenge for me! It took a few weeks to get adjusted and relax about not knowing a lot of people, not knowing my roles at work, and not knowing what God's purpose is for this summer. Because I am learning about and taking all the assessments that CMF gives their missionaries I am learning a lot about myself and the way God has made me. It has put me in a place of realizing what I need to personally work on as well as accept for who I am.

I love working at both places because they are so different and the counselors at each place are so different. I'm getting a few angles of counseling. CMF is a lot more in the office, reading, research, and meetings. Shepherd is mostly out of the office, observation, errands, and people. There is so much I don't know about counseling and Member Care! I'm excited to ask questions and learn about what I've contemplated for a long time. The challenges have been figuring out how my inexperienced self can help out. Not being on a team has taught me the need to speak up. The counselor at CMF gave me many books to read, but one of them is "The Assertive Woman"... I think he knows what I need to work on :)

Thy mercy my God is the theme of my song,
The joy of my heart, and the boast of my tongue.
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affection and bound my soul fast.

Without Thy sweet mercy, I could not live here.
Sin would reduce me to utter despair,
But through Thy free goodness, my spirit's revived
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart.
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground
And weep for the praise of the mercy I've found.

(Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
(Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah)

Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own
In the covenant love of Thy crucified Son.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine.

-Caedmon's Call

Throughout this internship one prayer has been that God would whisper His confidence in my ears. I truly believe He has been for so much longer than I have been praying...may we constantly be reminded of His divine whisper which seals mercy, pardon, and righteousness for each of us.

unwavering faith

today i've been thinking/reading on surrender and what that looks like for someone who relies on their feelings too much...the book i'm reading at the office has been really good and i'm learning a lot from it. i am also, however, having trouble focusing. i have had a cup of coffee and a soda, whoops :)

here's a quote from "The Christian's Secret to a Happy Life":
“If you begin to question your surrender, or God’s acceptance of it, then your wavering faith will produce a wavering experience, and He cannot work in you to do His will. But while you trust, He works; and the result of His working always is to change you into the image of Christ, from glory to glory, by His mighty Spirit.”

This was so good for me to read because it helped me see that surrender is my part of the deal. How I surrender and the nature of my surrender depends upon the work that God is able to do in my life.

i will leave you with a "Franciscan benediction":

May God bless you with discomfort
at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships
so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears
to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
to believe that you can make a difference in the world,
so that you can do what others claim cannot be done
to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
amen.

i've been stewing around with this and i really believe it has had an affect on me. more and more does injustice and sin affect me to the point of anger and tears...i have to keep experiencing what truly happens in this world to get a glimpse of the sight God has of His children that are suffering that i might act with the foolishness that i can do something.

thinking about counseling makes me think about the difference one can actually make in someone's life. the power to change. it has to rely on the unwavering faithfulness of God that He might do the changing or i am but setting myself up for loss in this world of sin. i pray that with my naivete of faith i might believe that God can do anything.

please pray for the kids at Shepherd community center
pray that they may know peace and provision from their Heavenly Father
pray that they would seek to give their lives to Him
and that they would be blessed enough to bless others in the same way you and i have.

each new day again i choose

I am about 2 or 3 weeks in and I'm definitely still figuring out what I'm supposed to be doing and where I'm supposed to be.

The biggest thing I am learning is to take each day as its own. I really never know what the day will hold- especially at the community center :) And I'm beginning to appreciate it. I have done a lot of reading, driving, and learning how much I don't know! My favorite part has been meeting random people and learning just how amazing God is at orchestrating the right people together. The spanish support group went well despite low numbers and God certainly made His presence known. I am excited to get to know these women! Both times I have gone through some of the psychological testing CMF uses I have learned something about myself and begun to appreciate the way God has designed me to be. This also led me to surrender to God's work in me- and not to live striving towards who I wish I could be. As each day is different and every path leading somewhere new I am reminded of the constant faithfullness of my God.

Thanks for taking time to see what's going on with an intern in Indy this summer :)